Be still and know...

Pete and I have always loved the fall of the year. We used to go camping and hiking often – we just enjoyed being outside in God’s creation. One of our favorite camping/hiking spots was Table Rock State Park in upper South Carolina. We have climbed to the top of Table Rock many times by ourselves, with young married Sunday School classes, with youth groups and family! The last time was probably 5 years ago…we were so tired by the time that 5 hour round trip was over, we collapsed, took 4 Advil each and decided that might be the last time we would see the top of Table Rock! Ha!

"I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the One who watches over you will not slumber. The LORD keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever."  Psalms 121:1 – 3, 8

This week, I have been looking at the leaves falling off of the trees in our yard, enjoying the cool weather and realizing that fall is quickly yielding to winter.  I read a devotional by Dan Barnes that was referencing this time of year…”It’s approaching winter time, and the trees are getting bare, the grass is brown and what I see out the window isn’t gorgeous. It’s brown and looks dead, but I know there is beauty in that. There is no snow yet, just fallen leaves and bare trees and brown grass. The earth is at rest, it’s not growing, it’s not blooming, it’s asleep. We spend so much time pushing, striving and fighting. We have to do more, do better, and we forget what God tells us over and over and over again. Be still and know He is God. Be still and experience His presence. What He is doing in us and in our life is so much more than we can do to impress Him or to fix our lives. We strive so hard to please God, but in reality what pleases God is what He can do through us. Apart from Him, I can do nothing and on my own, I strive in vain.”

As I mulled over these words, I thought to myself that I am in the winter time of my grief.  I can’t fix it. There is a lot of brown grass and fallen leaves and dead plants in my life right now…and I feel like God is reminding me to rest in Him. To be still and know He is God. To be still and just be with Him. To be still and remember that He loves me and will keep His hand guiding my life. To remember that underneath the dead plants and brown grass, there is new life and that “in the spring”, it will rise through the earth and sprout again.

A dear friend has been sending me updates on some hydrangea plants in her yard that were affected by the intense heat this summer right around the time of Pete’s death. She said she thought of me as she saw the wounds in the plants. Some had leaves that were scorched, some had broken stalks and she started taking pictures of them to share with me.  The latest picture she sent me shows new growth, even a small flower cluster, among the scorched leaves. We agreed it was like God is giving us a visual reminder that even though the scars will be there, that through His love, there will be new growth. After the winter is over, there will be spring…

This fall and winter are going to be tough emotionally.  There are a lot of “firsts” that will be happening without Pete as these months pass through our lives. I know I need to soak up His strength in order to take the steps I need to take during this time. I am trying…sometimes, I remember well and sometimes, I just cry. But I can feel Jesus reminding me that underneath what feels dead in my life, He is there and He is the source of new life. I just need to hold on, be still and trust Him to bring the spring into my heart after this winter season is over.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalms 46:10