The Dash

I have been having to face a lot of decisions that come along with the death of a spouse. One of the decisions has been the tombstone to be placed on Pete’s gravesite. A dear friend reminded me of this poem by Linda Ellis. As I wrote down – Clarence A. “Pete” Richards 1942 – 2012, I couldn’t help but think about how much that‘dash’ represents in Pete’s life! I am so thankful to have been a part of his ‘dash’!

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was “the dash” between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

                   How are you spending your dash?

Humpty Dumpty

God is teaching me so much as I walk through this valley. A dear friend who has walked this path before shared a great devotional book with me a couple of weeks ago - Grieving the loss of someone you love by Raymond Mitsch and Lynn Brookside. It has truly ministered to me. This is one of the devotionals that meant so much to me. Maybe it will speak to a place in your heart if you are going through any kind of pain.

“In the weeks and months following the death of someone we love, we often feel like Humpty Dumpty. That’s the only way to describe it. We feel broken. We hurt so much that our pain seems almost tangible. We move cautiously and uncertainly because our nerve endings are all on the alert, sensitive to the slightest stimulus. We breathe shallowly as if we are afraid to take a deep breath for fear our lungs will press too harshly upon our aching heart. There are times when the atmosphere around us seems to be charged with our own anguish and dread. We long for the days when life was simpler, sweeter.

There is a difference, however, between our King and Humpty Dumpty’s. Our King is able to put even Humpty Dumpty back together again. In fact, our King sent His Son to be broken for us so that He could put us back together better than we were before. That doesn’t mean that our pain is not real. It is very real, just as Christ’s pain was real when He wept for Lazarus. It does mean that we can have hope in the midst of our pain. It means that we can turn to our loving Heavenly Father knowing that He will see us through this pain, knowing that Christ understands our pain because He has felt it himself.

It means that we have an Advocate and a Helper who can assist us as we grapple with the reality of death, as we struggle to find acceptance – even joy – in the face of our very personal suffering. If we are faithful to the task at hand, if we determine to walk through this storm, calling on our Father/Advocate/Helper, we will arrive at the other side with a renewed understanding of our own life…and of life in general. We will learn to live more joyously because we have learned to face death….your job in this rebuilding process is to hand each piece to your Heavenly Father as He asks for them. Then watch in awe as He puts them back together…”

 

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I am so glad we are not Humpty Dumpty! My King is strong and mighty! I know there are many of us who are going through valleys of some sort...You may feel like a broken Humpty Dumpty, too. I know I can count on Him to pick up all my broken pieces and put me back together again...I hope you know that, too. It is going to be a hard journey but we can all lean on these words from Psalm 147:3

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”

Another dear friend reminded me of this song today and it fits perfectly with this devotional and where I am in this journey…

Broken Hallelujah  by Mandisa:

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart's in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You're with me somehow
And You've always been faithful
So Lord even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
So Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

[Chorus]

Hallelujah
I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You

[Chorus]With my love and my sadness, I come before You, Lord, my heart is in a thousand pieces maybe even more. Yet I trust in this moment, you're with me somehow.  You've always been faithful so Lord even now when all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah, when my only offering is shattered praise, still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins, I will worship You and give You thanks, even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah.

Oh Father, You have given much more than I deserve, and I have felt Your hand of blessing on me at every turn. How could I doubt Your goodness, Your wisdom, Your grace, So Lord hear my heart in this painful place...

Hallelujah, I lift my voice, Your Spirit moves, I raise my hands, I reach for You.

                          Thank you, Lord, that we are not Humpty Dumpty!

Is it news...or is it truth?

I was looking back at an email Pete and I sent out to family and friends on the Friday before we ended up in the hospital that following morning. We had just found out 2 nights before that he had pancreatic cancer. Here is part of that Fri email:

We are still waiting to see an oncologist here in Columbia…looking like it will not be until Monday due to vacation schedules. We are anticipating that next week will be a big week for us as we will probably be making major decisions about treatment options and where to receive treatment. We need you to ask the Lord to guide us with these decisions! We want to do His will and bring Him glory through this hard thing.

We had no clue that the following week was going to be such a “big week” for us! Pete was in heaven by the following Fri night! One week from when this email was written! We were preparing to “fight” this cancer…and even on Sat when we were in the hospital, we both thought we were just dealing with another stroke and we would handle this and go on to fight the cancer. But God had other plans and as the day went on, the strokes kept coming.

As I revisited this email today, I was reminded by the Lord about the “rest of the email”. This week has been very, very hard for me…lots of emotions and lots of deep sorrow and sadness in missing Pete in my daily life. Today it was like God directed me back to this email to gently remind me of Who He is and get me refocused on the TRUTH! (Here is the “rest of the email” - We had shared this devotional by Lysa TerKeurst in that Friday email – her words in red.)

News and truth aren't always one and the same. I'm learning this through a medical situation I've faced recently. I had a diving accident that severely damaged nerves inside my left inner ear. As a result, I have hearing loss and a horrible screeching sound that hasn't stopped since the accident weeks ago. It's been very hard. I know in the grand scheme of things, I could be dealing with much worse. I know that. And it makes me greatly empathetic for anyone facing a chronic medical diagnosis. It's scary when doctors shock you with test results and you don't know what the future holds.

I've been honest about my fears with my friends. They've been so faithful to stand beside me, pray for me and send precious notes of encouragement. (And I hope this devotion might be a note of encouragement from me to you.)

One of the emails I received was from my friend Shaunti. It contained a line that stirred me: "Lysa this is news. This is not truth."

Wow.

I've always thought of news and truth as one and the same. What the doctor gave me was news. Honest news based on test results and medical facts.

But what I have access to is a truth that transcends news. What is impossible with man's limitations is always possible for a limitless God.

So, I find myself looking at the word impossible a little differently today.

Impossible, when looked at in light of Shaunti's note, could be completely different if I just stick a little apostrophe between the first two letters. Then it becomes I'm-Possible. God is the great I AM. Therefore He is my possibility for hope and healing.

I'm-Possible is a much more comforting way to look at anything that feels quite impossible.

I suspect many of us have things in our life that feel impossible. Maybe you just got some bad news. News of an impossible financial situation. News of an impossible job situation. News of an impossible kid situation. News of an impossible friend situation. News of an impossible medical situation.

Whatever news you just got or will get, I pray Shaunti's advice helps you too.

This is news.

And this is Truth:

I AM THE WAY AND THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.
"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

I AM FOREVER FAITHFUL.
"He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-He remains faithful forever." Psalm 146:6

I AM WITH YOU.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I AM HOLDING YOU.
"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand." Psalm 73:23

I AM YOUR HIDING PLACE.
"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." Psalm 32:7

If there is any comfort for me during this tough time, it is knowing that somehow God will use this for good. And that God will be my possible in the midst of what can sometimes feel so stinkin' impossible.

Of course, I still have those less spiritually secure moments where I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. And cry. And pitch a little hissy fit.(These words in blue are still Lysa’s words but oh, how I feel!)

Oh how thankful I am for my praying, encouraging, note-writing friends who help me focus on truth and not just the facts. I'm asking Jesus to send some your way today. And every time that word impossible creeps up and starts to steal your hope, see the words I'm-Possible and hold on to Him.

Dear Lord, You are I Am, I'm-Possible. You are the way, truth and life, and You are forever faithful. Thank You for being with me always, holding me and being my hiding place. Help me lean on these truths when the news I receive feels impossible. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

The news and the truth is that Pete will not be here with me anymore on earth…but the truth is also that I can be so thankful for the gift of the love of a wonderful man and that God is still with me and is holding me and allowing me to continue on by holding onto His strong right hand! God is still God…even when it seems like my world is shaken to its core!  God is still God! Therefore He is my possibility for hope and healing. God is still God! I will yield my life to Him!

                               God is still God! And that is truth!

I can only imagine...

Lots of emotions today…

My 102 year old grandmother went to be with Jesus today! She was one of my mentors and such a prayer warrior! She loved the Lord and truly lived for Him. She lived by herself until she was about 95! Since then she has been in a nursing home and the past few years, she has not really known us. She has wanted to go “home” to be with Jesus for years so I know she is so happy being reunited with my grandfather and seeing Pete!

Of course, this brings back all the memories of when Pete went to be with Jesus a few weeks ago. You know how often people will kindly say “Rest in Peace” when someone has passed away? I know people mean well but I will tell you that I have been thinking, “You better not be resting, Pete Richards! Since you left us waaaay too early, you better be dancing and singing for Jesus and busy building our homes up there!” :)

I have been reading a lot in God's Word and in other books about Heaven. I believe Heaven is a very real place God has prepared for us to live with Him for eternity when we know Him as Savior....and I believe His desire is that we all come to know Him! I shared with  a dear friend the other day that sin caused a deep valley between us and God. Jesus is the only bridge over that valley. Jesus said, "I am the way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." (John 14:6) Thinking about Heaven seems to help me feel closer to Pete. I have also been thinking a lot about the words of this song, I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me.

"I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me!
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

I can only imagine, when that day comes, when I find myself standing in the Son!
I can only imagine, when all I will do, is forever, forever worship You!
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

I can only imagine what it is like for Pete and for my grandmother right now! I am sure it is incredible!!! They are experiencing something beyond our imagination but oh, so real when we know Jesus as Savior! Be sure you know Him! Life knowing Jesus as Savior and Lord is precious here on earth…I can only imagine how it will be in Heaven!

“For God so loved the world that He gave us His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life!” John 3:16

                                           I can only imagine!

Tears and Laughter!

It is sometimes the craziest things that will either make me cry or make me laugh! Today…I was putting dishes in the dishwasher and thinking to myself, “It is going to take me a long time to fill up this dishwasher by myself!” That was when I noticed there was not a single bowl in the dishwasher…and I started crying! You see, Pete used our bowls all the time…he loved cereal in the morning and often had soup for lunch or supper. So our dishwasher was usually overflowing with bowls! And there was not one bowl in there today! It made me so sad!

Later, I was cutting the grass on our riding lawn mower. A few years ago, we finally broke down and bought a riding lawn mower! Now you need to understand this…Pete was very particular about cutting the grass. He had a certain way he did it…very methodical! Same way, every time! While he would cut the grass, I would enjoy being outside with him and working in the flower beds. Now that I don’t have Pete here, the guys in our family offered to come and cut the grass but I figured I could certainly sit on the mower and cut the grass when it needed it. I have actually enjoyed doing it because it makes me feel close to Pete when I cut “his” grass! Of course, I am sure I am not cutting it at all like he did! Today I started laughing when I was almost through! I realized I was having to make a “million” u-turns to go back and get patches of grass that I kept missing when I tried to make turns around our yard! I felt like a NASCAR driver! I just knew Pete was up in Heaven saying, “Who gave her permission to cut my grass? She is not doing it right!” J I am also sure he is fussing as I pick up all his remotes and keep pushing buttons to try to make all of his electronics work! He was really a geek about gadgets (as Jerry alluded to at his Celebration Service). I used to accuse him of buying a new gadget with a new remote just so I wouldn’t know how to use them all! But I have got a plan…I will just get one of our teenage grandchildren to come over and figure it out for me! They will have it all working in about 10 minutes, I am sure! J

Tears come at the most random times! I keep telling people that one day, I hope to be able to have a conversation with people and not tear up during it! But tears are part of the healing process….and I am sure they will continue. But thank you, Lord, for laughter, too! Thank you that laughter is part of the healing process, too!

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.” Psalm 56:8

“My soul weeps because of grief; strengthen me according to Your word.” Psalm 119:28

“Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b

Take the next step!

When I read the devotional in Jesus Calling this morning, I knew it was for me! But I have a feeling, it may be for some of you, too, in whatever place you find yourself this morning. God has always had a way of using music and books in my life to speak truths to me. Listen to this...

"Keep walking with Me along the path I have chosen for you. Your desire to live close to Me is a delight to My heart. I could instantly grant you the spiritual riches you desire, but that is not My way for you. Together we will forge a pathway up the high mountain. The journey is arduous at times, and you are weak. Someday you will dance lightfooted on the high peaks; but for now, your walk is often plodding and heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend. Stay on the path I have selected for you. It is truly the path of Life."

When people have asked me "How are you?", I have asked them, "Can you be ok and not ok at the same time?" I feel like I am ok, then something happens to remind me of Pete, I cry, then wipe my tears and take the next step. Then I am ok, something happens to remind me of Pete, I cry, then wipe my tears and take the next step.

Our youngest grandchild will be two in October. He is all boy and full of fun and laughter! He does not show any fear right now which could mean we have a long road ahead of us in the doctor's office with broken limbs! This picture of him fearlessly going through a tunnel at the park amazed me! He was so trusting that Mom or Dad were going to be at the other end when he got there! He could not get down from that tunnel without their help!

 Do I trust that God is not only there in the tunnel with me but He will be there holding my hand and helping me when I get to the other end of the tunnel? That He will make a path where I cannot see a path? I do believe that with all my heart...and I hope you do, too. I know all of us have these hard eucharisteo times...May this devotional thought and scripture be a blessing to you today as it was to me!

"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43:19

"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; through he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." Psalm 37:23-24

                                                            Take the next step!

Joy in the Journey?

In March of this year, I was one of the speakers at our Ladies’ Retreat. Our topic was Lifedance; Dancing through life with freedom and joy.   I referenced a great book by Ann Voskamp titled One Thousand Gifts. She focuses on the word Eucharisteo which means ‘to be thankful’.

I spoke on having "Joy in the Journey" in our life with Christ. One of the things I shared with the ladies at the retreat is that we all have “hard eucharisteo” times in life….and if they had not experienced them yet, they would! I asked, “How do we still give thanks when life is hard?” I shared this verse in Habakkuk 3:17 – 19 and told the ladies that sometimes you have to say this verse through tears and clinched teeth…with a determination that can only come from the Lord’s strength.

“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, nevertheless I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains.”

I have been talking to the Lord about this a lot this week. I am not dancing right now…but I am still walking! I am getting one foot in front of the other. My joy in the Lord is still as strong as ever…but my daily joy has been rocked! I believe it will come back, but I am missing Pete too much to tell you I am joyful right now. Ann says in her book that “Jesus’ nail-scarred hands cups our face close, wipes away the tears running down, has eyes to look deep into our brimming ache, and whisper, ‘I know, I know’…Jesus, at the Last Supper, showed us how to transfigure all things – take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness.” I feel His sweet hands cupping my face often. This is the hard eucharisteo...harder than I have ever experienced in life!  I have told the Lord that selfishly, I cannot say “thank you” for calling Pete home at this time. Maybe I will get there…I don’t know. But my human heart is missing him too much to say that now. Yet, I knew that I had many “thank yous” that I could say to Him during this hard eucharisteo time, and I do believe He will transform all this into “a joy that fulfills all emptiness”.

*Thank you, Lord, that I know, without a doubt, that Pete knew Your son,Jesus, as his Lord and Savior and is in heaven with Him!

*Thank you, Lord, for Pete’s love for our family and so many others!

*Thank you, Lord, for Pete’s life and the many, many people he touched and how he made a difference in people!

*Thank you, Lord, for his servant heart and his patience with all of us!

*Thank you, Lord, for his sense of humor and that big smile that brightened all of our lives!

*Thank you, Lord, that he didn’t have to suffer long with this awful disease of cancer!

*Thank you, Lord, that we were able to have him home with us that last week.

*Thank you, Lord, for the body of Christ and the many, many expressions of love for our family during this time.

Here is my current “personal” version of Habakkak 3:17 – 19.          

“Even though this house is so empty without Pete’s presence , and I am missing his hugs and smile; even though I am so sad that he will not be here to share the future on this earth with me, and our children and grandchildren will miss him so; even though he is so missed in his church and work world, and I feel so lonely without him, nevertheless I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He will help me walk and not faint and bring me safely through this hard journey.”

 Amen.

"Have you told me lately that you love me?"

That was Pete’s fun way of saying to me, “I love you and want to hear you say you love me!” It started years ago and we always laughed when he said it and the "I love yous" quickly followed. I can honestly say we told each other we loved each other many times during the day. A few years ago, I found this sign in a store and brought it home. We put it up in our walk-in closet where we would see it everyday.  It is still bringing me smiles and love as I see it daily.

 What brought this to mind today was one of our sweet young married Sunday School classes. When Pete and I finally decided we were getting too old for youth ministry J, we moved into working with some  young  married classes. Actually, we just adopted more “children” into our family! We worked with one class for many years and about 4 or 5 years ago, we started working with another group. That group has now grown so much that it has multiplied into two classes. Pete and I continued to work with both classes…selfishly because we loved them all too much to choose just one!

 The group I was with this morning was beginning an Andy Stanley series on marriage via video tape. Andy talked about how sad it was that many long married couples don’t seem to “stay in love”. Thankfully, I can honestly say, that was one thing Pete and I worked on…staying in love….and we did! It takes commitment and self sacrifice but oh, it is so worth it! Andy said love is a verb and we need to base our definition of love on Jesus! In John   13:34, Jesus says, “Love one another as I have loved you!” When you center your marriage on Jesus instead of your own wants and needs, your marriage will be so much better and stronger! Love is a verb! Put action to your love!

 Right after we got married, I told Pete the one thing I wanted from him each anniversary was a love letter! Now, guys, you can well imagine the response I received from that request! My Pete was NOT a letter writer!! But I kept telling him he didn’t need to buy me anything if he would just write me a letter!( I think that is what won him over!) Actually, writing those letters to each other became a special part of our anniversary celebration each year.  As you can well imagine, more than anything else, I am treasuring those letters right now! I am sharing this with you in hopes it might inspire you to start a new tradition in your marriage! I can promise you it will be a blessing to both of you!

Pete was great about hugging our kids and grandkids and telling them he loved them. He did not miss an opportunity whether it was in person or on the phone to say “I love you” to them. Guys, Pete is not here to be able to do that with me or his kids and grandkids anymore…don’t miss your opportunities! I know without a doubt that they knew they were loved by this man but oh, how we are all missing hearing those words and getting those hugs in person from him! Be sure your wife, kids and grandkids get your hugs and love daily!

One more challenge for the men in Pete’s life…think of a way this week you can go out of your way to let your wife know you love her. Pete and I don’t have that opportunity anymore! I miss it so much! Life is way too short! Don’t miss making the most of every moment…say “I love you” often. Greet each other at the door. Snuggle together at night. Hold hands. Write love letters. Call just to say “I love you”. Bring home flowers. Open the door for her.

                                             “Have you told me lately that you love me?”

Sand dollar message

Pete and I have always loved being outdoors in God's creation! We have spent many hours at the beach, on the marsh, in the mountains, on hikes to waterfalls and viewpoints, camping in state and national parks, overseas enjoying God's creation in other countries, etc. That time in God's world always was such a blessing to us! I knew I needed to hibernate somewhere this past week and just give myself some time to be with the Lord. I needed Him to begin the healing process in my heart...and the best way I knew to do that was to go be in His creation somewhere. So I spent some time at the beach...and sure enough, God was so sweet to meet me there in my sorrow and grief with His touch. I wanted to share one way He spoke to me.

I was walking along at the water's edge and suddenly saw a sand dollar. Now let me explain to you that I have maybe found 2 whole sand dollars in my entire life! I leaned down to pick it up and gasped! I said, "Lord, that is me! I have this jagged hole right in the middle of my heart just like this sand dollar!" I felt Him say, "On, my dear child, I know you do...I am so sorry...but I want you to notice something. This sand dollar is whole. Yes, it has a big hole in the middle of it, but look...it is a whole sand dollar!" As tears fell down my face, I knew what He was trying to tell me. I am still whole and I am going to be ok and will go on to be used by Him...my heart just has a big hole in it right now!

A little while later that day, I went walking along the water's edge again. Amazingly, I saw another sand dollar! I leaned down to pick it up and gasped again! It, too, had a hole in the middle of it, but it was a lot smaller! I had to smile at Him...I knew He was telling me that He would be healing this huge hole in my heart and after time, it would get smaller! I wondered to myself if I was going to find another sand dollar and if it would be completely whole!! But then, I felt like He said to me, "No, you will always have a small hole in your heart because you loved Pete so deeply. That is as it should be...but you will be ok. Look carefully, my child, and notice that this sand dollar is also whole."

"'Though the mountains move and the hills shake, My love will not be removed from you and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,' says your compassionate Lord." Isaiah 54:10

Our God is in the teaching and healing business! I am trying hard to listen and learn through my tears! He is sovereign and He is faithful!

I keep having the words to Babbie Mason's song that was sung at Pete's Celebration Service run through my head and heart...

"All things work for our good, though sometimes we can't see how they could.
Troubles that break our hearts in two, sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what is best for us, His ways are not our own,
So when your pathway grows dim and you just can't see Him,
 Remember you're never alone.

God is too good to be mistaken, God is too wise to be unkind,
So when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.

He sees the master plan, He holds the future in His hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope, all our hope is found in Him.
We see the present clearly, but He sees the first and the last,
And like a tapestry, He's weaving you and me
To someday, be just like Him.

He alone is faithful and true, He alone knows what is best for you.

God is too good to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind,
So when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."

I am struggling with the "why" and "what now"... not in anger with God at all but in just wondering why Pete had to go home now... wondering what was God thinking to bring him home when we had so many plans for the future! But through my tears and intense sadness in missing Pete, I KNOW God is sovereign...and I do trust Him. I don't understand but I do trust Him and love Him with all of my heart....so I will wait on His direction.

Thursday's devotional in Jesus Calling spoke loudly to me. The writer reminded me that God's ways are mysterious even to those who know Him intimately. "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, ' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.'" Isaiah 55:8-9  In times of questioning in my life, I am always reminded of when God spoke to Job beginning in Job 38. "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding, Who set its meansurements?...Who laid its cornerstone?...Who enclosed the sea...Who said (to the sea), 'Thus far you shall come, but no farther; and here shall your proud waves stop.'" He is sovereign...I must yield my life to my Lord even when I don't understand.

I know Pete is so happy because He is in our ultimate Home in Heaven with Jesus! Now he is free of tiredness and pain and for that I can be so thankful. I will see Pete again one day when God calls me home! Heaven is even sweeter to me now that I know Pete will be waiting to welcome me there! I know the journey ahead of me will be hard...and I am sure I have many, many tears yet to shed, but I will keep taking one small step at a time. "When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart!"