Looking up when life gets you down

When I saw the title of this book, I knew I needed to read it. I am trying so hard to look up to the Lord through this difficult time. Sometimes, I feel like I stumble and have to grab hold of His hand even tighter. Sometimes, I feel like I am walking along with Him beside me and doing ok. A few years ago, Pete and I bought a plaque that had a saying on it we both loved: It is impossible to lose your footing while on your knees. I find I am spending even more time on my knees lately! God in His goodness has met me there. I can feel Him trying to help me maneuver looking up, taking new steps while holding onto His hand and falling on my knees during the inbetween times!

 I have been reading Warren Wiersbe’s book Looking Up when Life Gets You Down this week. There was a section I have been “chewing on” this weekend…He says in order to grow, we must accept our suffering. ”Acceptance is active cooperation with God and it always includes gratitude. I may not always be able to be thankful for what has happened, but I can be thankful in what has happened….Second, we must surrender what He has given us back to him…placing our pain upon the altar as an act of worship to the glory of God…Third, we must listen for His message.”

As I reflected on those thoughts, I think he has made some good points for me. I do want to be active in my cooperation with God in my suffering over missing Pete. I am thankful for all He has given me and most thankful for Pete being in my life! I am thankful Pete didn’t have to suffer long. I am working to continually surrender my pain back to Him so that He can use it in my life and hopefully in other’s lives. I am seeking to listen and learn from Him as I walk this hard path. I do feel like He is teaching me more about Him as we walk through this valley together.

Warren Wiersbee went on to share a story about a WWII vet who lost both of his hands yet became a famous actor and author and an encourager to the handicapped. He said this man’s philosophy was, “It is not what you have lost, it is what you have left that counts.”

As I considered this philosophy of this apparently amazing man, I understood completely what he was saying but I had to change it a bit to minister to me, “It does matter what I have lost, but I need to recognize and focus on what I have left.”

What I have left: Wonderful memories of a good man

  ·         Who loved his Lord first and foremost
  ·         Who loved me with all his heart
  ·         Who loved his family with unwavering love
  ·         Who cherished his friendships
  ·         Who loved living life with laughter and fun
  ·         Who lived life by example
  ·         Who worked hard
  ·         Who shared often
  ·         Who had a heart big enough to include everyone
  ·         Who enjoyed serving the Lord with me as we worked together in church and
        on mission trips
  ·         Who was not perfect and drove me nuts sometimes but was a lot of fun to be 
        married to!

 What I have left: My future here on earth

  ·         Unknown but with a strong sense of confidence and trust that the Lord has me in
        the palm of His hand
  ·         The love and joy of our precious family
  ·         The sweetness of the strong friendships Pete and I have cultivated over the
        years who are still ever present in my life
  ·         Ability to continue serving the Lord on my own
  ·         The assurance that I will see Pete again in Heaven when I die because of my
        relationship with Jesus Christ

“Nobody will deny that what happens to us is important. But what happened in us is also important, because that will help to determine what happens through us.”
(Warren Wiersbe)

 Lord, I don’t like what happened to me with losing Pete here on earth, but I know You are working in me to help me yield to Your sovereignty, and I pray that means You will somehow speak through my life during this hard time and use this for Your glory. Amen.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  II Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

 

                                      Looking up while on my knees!

 

“

A "hug from God"

Sorrow is hard, it is tiring, it is sobering.  The past two days have been extra hard.  Was it the realization that it has been 3 months since Pete went home to Heaven? Is the 22^nd of every month going to be hard for a while? I am not sure, but things seemed tougher for me to handle emotionally this weekend. I have been reminded that grief is Biblical. David grieved the death of his son, Absalom. Joseph grieved the death of his father, Jacob.  Jesus, moved by the grief of his friends, Mary and Martha, wept at the tomb of his friend, Lazarus. Even though He knew He was going to raise him from the dead, Jesus saw the effect death had on mankind and grieved alongside of those He loved.

I know that Jesus is here with me. I know He understands my grief.  Many a time over the past three months, I have had to say to Him, “I cannot take this next step unless You hold my hand and help me.” He has been faithful each and every time. But the reality of life still hits hard sometimes…like this weekend. I cannot “get back to normal” because there is no going back to “normal”. I am still trying to figure out what my “new normal” is supposed to be…..and that is just going to take time….and that time will be mingled with tears, smiles, and the touches of family and friends.

This afternoon, as I was having a tearful moment, I realized that I needed some time with the Lord in order to try and get my composure put back together. I decided I was going to go outside on the back deck in my 'sanctuary' and just sit and pray. I had just put my cell phone down to leave inside so it wouldn’t be a distraction to me when it rang! It was our oldest grandson who is away at college. Now I don’t know about all grandparents, but for this grandmother, if one of our grandchildren calls, I always answer! I am so glad I did! Alex said he was just calling to check on me and tell me he loved me and wanted to know how he could pray for me! That was just what I needed today. Yes, I cried a bit on the phone with him but that was ok…he understood. I have always called unexpected blessings a “hug from God”.  Alex was a hug from God to me today! This made my sanctuary time even sweeter.

On September 22^nd in Jesus Calling, this was part of the devotional:

“Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today’s tasks – or even tomorrow’s. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you joy as you work alongside Me.”

  (based on Exodus 15:2)               
                                 

 What a good reminder…and I obviously needed it! One day at a time, holding His hand, as I walk through this valley, as I walk through this storm. He is my Strength and my Song. So I will keep working on waiting on Him, seeking to work alongside of Him and trusting His heart! And enjoying His "hugs" when He sends them to me!

                         May you feel a "hug from God" this week!

When the hurt and the Healer collide

Pete and I both have been Gamecock fans all of our lives! Diehard, through thick and thin, whether they were making us happy or driving us crazy kind of fans! That was another thing that made us such a good fit for each other! We loved going to football and basketball games together! Pete has been a member of the Gamecock Club for 45 years! Since our seats were next to family, we always had a great time enjoying the games or else commiserating in our misery together at games! Pete’s one crazy quirk was that if he couldn’t be at the game, he would not watch it or listen to it! He drove me crazy! If we were doing something together, I would go and sneak peeks at the game or go listen to it and catch the score because I couldn’t stand not knowing what was going on! If we won, he would go watch the replay but if we lost, he wouldn’t even want to see it! Yet, if we were at the game in person, there was no way Pete Richards would EVER leave early! I can remember several times, it was POURING down rain…We were drenched from head to toe but the Gamecocks were still playing…and we were still in the stands watching them play! Why, oh why did I love this crazy man so much!

 Because of our love for Gamecock football, fall has always been one of our favorite times of the year. I knew that going to the game without him was going to be another hard “first” to do! And it was! I did ok until the invocation. Pete and I always held hands when we prayed together and/or anytime a prayer was being said…so when it came time for the prayer before the game and he was not there to hold my hand, it made his absence even more real to me. As the minister prayed, tears fell down my face. I sniffled through the next bit of time but thankfully, after that, I was ok. God must have known how hard this was for me because He sent special friends and family to me before, during and after the game. They were great distractions and caused me to smile and be so thankful for their love. And the Gamecocks won so that always helps! I have warned our Clemson buddies to look out because I am sure Pete is doing his best to talk Jesus into making sure Garnet is the favored color this year!

As I continue to walk this hard path and go through taking each new step, I still have those moments when the sadness is just so deep… yet I know without a doubt that the Healer is at work. I am just so thankful that He is there. A sweet friend shared this song by Mercy Me with me a few weeks ago…It speaks to where I am.

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from the explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the Healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all the scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the Healer collide

 Thank you, Lord, that Your glory meets our suffering! Amen and Amen.

"Yes, Sir!"

Some of you may remember that Pete and I were scheduled to go to Bangkok, Thailand in April but had to cancel the trip due to Pete’s strokes. We were going with a group who seeks to make a global impact in the educational world. I was to work with university professors who taught English as a Second Language. Pete was going to talk to some university business classes about the construction business in America. Let me explain how this all began…In 2007, I was contemplating retiring from teaching elementary school. I had taught for 29 years and loved every minute of it… well, not EVERY minute but I was a happy teacher who loved working with kids! Yet, I began feeling like I was supposed to retire. As I considered that possibility, I felt like God was telling me to go back to school and get my Ph.D. I had my Masters and Ed Specialist degree but had not considered going any further in my education…and especially not when I was thinking about retiring! That was crazy! I “argued” with the Lord for 6 months…sure I had “heard” Him wrong! But that thought would not go away. I just couldn’t figure out why He would want me to get that degree at this stage of my life. Then I met some people who helped me grasp the idea that God could use this degree in a lot of ways, especially overseas.  My personal desire was to build friendships that could lead to open doors for Him down the road. So, with Pete’s blessing and encouragement, I started working toward that goal. In December 2010, I became Dr. Brenda Richards! No one was happier or prouder of me than Pete! He was my biggest cheerleader! We celebrated with a trip to New York and had so much fun together!

 

 I shared in an earlier post that we were planning to go overseas often…sometimes for me to use my degree and help promote relationships through education and sometimes using his construction knowledge and help promote relationships through building projects. Last year, we were blessed to be able to go to Lebanon. This year, we were going to go to Thailand. It was a trip we were both looking forward to a great deal! A few weeks after Pete went home to be with the Lord, I was again invited to go to Thailand and continue the work with university professors. As hard as it would be to go without Pete, I knew immediately I was supposed to go. After Pete’s death, part of me wanted to just stop the world and crawl into a hole! I kept thinking, “If only we could go back in time and Pete could still be here with me! I just don’t understand why he had to go home now, Lord!” I just wanted him back!! But I was reminded of how important obedience is in the life of a believer by these words in Anne Graham Lotz’s book, Why? Trusting God When We Don’t Understand.

“Jesus stands ready to help us, but His help is contingent on our absolute, total obedience to His Word, whether or not we agree with it or understand it. His help is delayed and His power is bound and His glory is hidden as long as we stand around in disobedience and argue!...’But, Lord’ is an oxymoron, isn’t it? It’s a contradiction in terms, because if Jesus is Lord, then we say, ‘Yes, Sir’ not ‘But, Lord!’…How will you ever experience the power and the glory of God in your life or the life of someone else if you attempt only those things you are sure you can do? If you stay in your comfort zone?”

So even though I wanted to keep saying, “But, Lord….why?” I knew I had to say, "Yes, Sir" and be obedient and continue to do what I felt like God had given me to do. I was blessed to spend the past week and a half in the beautiful country of Thailand. We spent some time in the northern part where we were able to visit elementary, middle and high schools (and ride an elephant…Pete Richards would have LOVED that!) and then went to Bangkok where we worked with a group of 28 wonderful university professors from all over Thailand who wanted to become stronger teachers of English on their campuses. The Thai people are very kind and gracious. It was a joy to be with them last week and I look forward to continuing our friendship through email.

The first Sunday we were in Thailand, we were able to go to a vibrant worship service which prompted my previous post thoughts I shared with you. It was a wonderful experience and one I will remember for a long time as I pray for the precious people of Thailand. Thais are very accepting of religions…they seem to welcome all beliefs and some incorporate them all as a mixture in their minds and hearts. Buddhism is definitely the dominent religion. Yet, there is a strong group of Christians there…it is just a very small group compared to the Thai population. The last day of our trip we went sightseeing in Bangkok. There are 10 million people living within its city limits! People on top of people and traffic is horrendous! But the hardest thing for me was to see the worship of Buddha! It is everywhere…It broke my heart to see people kneeling toward statues in reverence to Buddha as they sought blessings in their lives. It impressed upon my heart even more the need to pray for those across our world who don’t know our living Lord!

The scripture that has been coming to mind lately is the one in Hebrews 12:1,

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”

I don’t know if God is allowing Pete to be in that cloud of witnesses but I like imagining him cheering me on and encouraging me to “run the race set before me” even when I don’t want to do it without him! Yes, I teared up several times while on this trip…missing him and thinking about how much he would have loved being there with me but at the same time, I knew I was where I was supposed to be last week! Right now, that is all I know to do. Take one step at a time and try to be obedient to what I feel like God is asking me to do at that moment! I still miss Pete like crazy and think about him constantly and I don’t think that will ever change…but I will try to keep “running the race” as best as I can!

How is your race going? Maybe you need these words, too. Trust me, these are not easy words to say but I am finding they are very important in my life! I still ask “why?” sometimes but I am trying more and more to say,

                                          “Yes, Sir"…not "But, Lord!”

"An outhouse to a penthouse!"

Pete loved to go on mission trips! He loved seeing the world and meeting Christians from other countries who loved his Lord, too! He felt a desire to do what he was gifted to do in order for Christ to be shared with others. His gift was building! We used to laugh and say he could build anything from “an outhouse to a penthouse”! He was extremely smart about figuring out how to “do” construction! Pete loved construction work and his abilities were held in high esteem in his work world here in the United States! But one of his favorite things was to be able to go on mission trips here and overseas and support the Lord’s work by building churches for the worship of His Lord. Sometimes the materials he was given to work with overseas were not of the best quality or they may have not have been able to provide the material that would have made the job easier. I always loved seeing him figure out how to do it anyway! That was part of what I loved about Pete! His positive spirit and his belief in his ability to do whatever the Lord called him to do.

One of our most favorite parts about visiting other countries, whether we were on mission trips or trips just for fun, was to visit worship services while we were there. There is an incredible feeling when you are in another country and are in a church where English is not being spoken yet as they pray and sing, you know without a doubt that they are praising your Lord! The Holy Spirit would just fill our hearts and allow us to know we were worshipping the same Lord! It always made the world seem a little bit smaller. But what always amazed us was the passion we could feel from Christians in other countries as they worshipped. The congregational singing is always loud and heartfelt! The preaching is always delivered with a sense of passion! Here in America, we are so free to worship yet we go to our services and hardly lift our voices in song, often we act like we are just enduring the sermon and can’t wait to get out the door to go home. We can learn something from our Christian brothers and sisters in other countries about worship! Is it the fact that worship of Jesus is often not an easy thing to do overseas? Do they appreciate the privilege of worship more than we do? Makes me wonder and makes me pray for our hearts to be quickened to learn how to  worship in a deeper way!

Often on Sundays, Pete would pray “Father, may you hear the praises of Your people all over the world today!” He IS being praised all over the world. It may be fewer in number in other countries but He IS known and IS being praised! Hallelujah!

I challenge you to pray….for opportunities to “go in Pete’s place” on mission trips, for an open heart to learn to worship with more passion, for Jesus to be made known throughout the world. Pray for our fellow Christians throughout the world. Pray for their protection, for their encouragement and for their witness to others in their countries.

“Father, may you hear the praises of Your people all over the world!”