Do not be afraid...

Joseph.

I have been thinking a lot about Joseph this month.  Some of the devotionals I have been reading have reminded me that he is sometimes the “forgotten one” in the Christmas story. Understandably, there is so much focus on Jesus and on Mary but Joseph was an important part of the story, too.

I am sure Joseph had big dreams and had been planning on a wonderful future and family with Mary. I wonder why God didn’t tell Joseph right away about His plan for them. Scripture tells us that Joseph didn’t know what was going on and was hurt when he found out that Mary was pregnant….I imagine he was broken hearted and confused about the future. All his dreams were destroyed…at least it seemed so at the time.

I can relate to that! How often we make plans for the future and then feel brokenhearted when we see that God has allowed our plans to be changed. But God! We could not handle the brokenness except for the grace and love of God! But God… A dear friend has used those two words a lot recently…But God! God saw the big picture….God knew the future better than Joseph did. God knew how Joseph could be used to bring glory to His name. God had a plan…and it was bigger than any plan Joseph could have imagined!

But he let Joseph feel the deepness of the valley first. I am not sure why he didn’t just tell Joseph the same night he told Mary. I think there must have been a lesson there for Joseph to learn. Was God teaching Joseph “When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart”? That he would need to continue to trust God throughout his life as Jesus’ earthly father when he didn’t understand what was going on?  

I can only imagine how hard the road was for Mary and Joseph as they sought to raise Jesus knowing He was God’s son and would face incredible persecution in the future. You know they wanted to protect Him….as parents, we don’t want anyone to mess with our children! Yet they had to trust God over and over again….I believe God handpicked Joseph just like He handpicked Mary for the job of being Jesus’ earthly parents. Even though we don’t read about Joseph later in the Bible and many wonder if he died before Jesus went out into the world, I believe he must have been a special husband and father. One who provided security and nurturing to his family, one who guided with love and humility, one who set a good earthly example of a father to Jesus, one who gave Mary arms to fold into when she was worried about Jesus. God wouldn’t have allowed just anyone to be the earthly father to His son. Joseph was special yet God still had to teach him much.

When God allowed Joseph to experience deep hurt, I think He taught Joseph to trust Him even when he didn’t understand the whys. He still does that today. God sees the big picture. We don’t. He is still saying to us over and over again, “Do not be afraid.”

I can tell God is at work in my life.  I don’t know what the future holds but He is constantly reminding me to trust Him and to “not be afraid”. Joseph got it right. Scripture tells us that after the angel appeared to him and told him to not be afraid to take Mary as his wife, he “immediately” did what the angel told him to do. Obedience.

But God.  Obedience.  Do not be afraid.

Big words, important words, words of faith, words of trust.

Do not be afraid. Afraid of what?  Has God been nudging you to do something and you have been trying to ignore it because it causes you discomfort? Is He asking you to do something out of your comfort zone? He is working on me….I am hearing those words, “Do not be afraid” in several areas of my life right now.

Lord, help us all be like Joseph.

Help us to not be afraid when you ask us to do something for You.

When I came in from walking this morning, I had this leaf stuck to my shoe. I leaned over and pulled it off and had to smile at how He was once again teaching me Truth through His creation. I thought, “Lord, that is a good representation of me right now! The yellow reminds me that I still have ‘color’ (strength in You, purpose), the splotches of red reminds me of those times when I really allow you to use me and bring your message of love and joy to others, then I see those ugly brown dead looking spots. I don’t like seeing those because they remind me that I am still wounded and sometimes I allow those wounds to be the focus of my life instead of You….and that is not a pretty thing!” As I sat and looked at the leaf, I felt like He told me to remember that He was getting ready to show the world His majesty and glory as He changes leaves into beautiful colors and that the same Creator God of nature also created each of us for His majesty and glory….and He wasn’t through changing me yet so I needed get my feet back underneath me and hold onto the Truth that only He can give.

Recently, I heard these words on a podcast by Nancy DeMoss – “When you experience intense grief, you must learn how to live between divine sovereignty that is beyond comprehension and pain that is beyond belief.” I remember thinking that is so true. I have been reminded over and over during the past 16 months that my joy comes when I concentrate on His Truths that I find in His Word and in my heart when I am yielded to Him. Sometimes I do that well...and sometimes I have to fight to remember that Truth...fight for that joy…fight for that peace that passes understanding…fight to remember to seek to glorify Him rather than wallow in my sadness in missing Pete. On the days I don’t do that well, I find that God is right there when I crawl back, confess that my emotions got the best of me and ask for His grace and help to do better ‘tomorrow’. I feel Him smile as if to say, “I understand, Dear One, I’ve got you…I am not going anywhere. Come on, get up, dust yourself off again, hold My hand and let’s concentrate on what I need you to do now for Me.”

I have been re-reading Kay Warren’s book, Choose Joy. I admire her strength and honesty as she shares how she has sought to choose joy in the midst of hard trials. Though this book was written several years ago, it is obvious that she is still clinging to the Truth of our Father as she walks through this new valley in her life. Today, I went back and read these words in her book...

“Colossians 4:2 says, ‘Stay alert, with your eyes wide open in gratitude.’ Joy is rooted in gratitude. You cannot have a joyful heart without having a grateful heart. You cannot be a grateful person and not experience joy. Those who can praise God will experience joy and those who are joyful will thank God. Joy and gratitude always go together.”

This time of the year, we are reminded to focus on what we have to be thankful for in America! I have so much to be thankful for….and even on those days when I allow myself to wallow in my sadness in missing Pete and his love and companionship, I can still usually muster up words of thankfulness to the Lord in the midst of tears. I do have so much to be thankful for in the past and in the future…we all do. Remember with me…

“The heavens are yours, the world, everything – for You created them all. Blessed are those who hear the joyful blast of the trumpet, for they shall walk in the light of Your Presence. They rejoice all day long in Your wonderful reputation and in Your perfect righteousness.

                                            You are their strength. What glory!
                       You are my Father, my God and the Rock of my salvation!”
                                                     Psalms 89:11, 15-17, 26

As I watch our Creator God paint the trees with their beautiful colors this fall, I am going to concentrate on His glory and majesty and love! Most of all, I am going to focus on the incredible gift He gave us in Jesus and ask how He can use me to share Him with others!

And I am going to be watching for a beautiful completely red leaf!! That’s what I want my life to look like….

“The heavens are Yours, the world, everything –

                                                     for You created them all!”
                                               Thank you, Lord, for Who You are!

A city on a hill, precious new friends, another Pete(r) and a Gamecock...in Israel!!!

“You are the world’s light, a city on the hill, glowing in the night for all to see.”

 These were Jesus’ words to His followers…and I understand them even better now. I just returned from having the privilege of living in Nazareth for two weeks! To live where Jesus grew up was very humbling and kept me reflecting on His life there the whole time. Nazareth is truly a city of hills! We stayed at the top of one of those hills and we could just picture Jesus walking from hilltop to hilltop!

The Sea of Galilee where He delivered this message is also surrounded by hills…no wonder He used this as an illustration. Everywhere you go, you would be able to look up and see light in the hills. In today’s modern world, the lights are very obvious, but I can even understand how firelight and candles would reflect the light throughout the hills in Jesus’ day. The light on the hills would provide a guide, a direction for those who were seeking their way….exactly like we should be doing for those who do not know their way to Jesus!

A small group of 5 from our church went to work alongside members of Nazareth Baptist School as they held their “camp” for two weeks for K – 3^rd graders. As hard as it was to leave so soon after my Mom’s death, I knew I was supposed to go…My mission minded Mom would not have wanted me to miss this opportunity to go and share Him in Israel! Our children’s minister had written material incorporating science experiments, crafts and games to reinforce the Bible Story which was shared every day by a dear new Arab sister in Christ. Working with 80 Christian and Muslim children, we found ourselves relying on Him even more as our boxes of supplies were held up through governmental red tape! But He did not let us down…we scrounged and figured out ways to do things despite not having supplies! We were determined to be sure that light was going to shine! Our kind new friends from the church and some of the teenager counselors interpreted for us as we taught and mingled with the children. We were reminded of two things - how much you can communicate without words and that children are the same all over the world!  We had the quiet, shy ones, the loud, rambunctious ones, the ones who really wanted to learn and the ones who pretended like they didn’t care…but we knew they did! It was so much fun being a part of their lives for two weeks! They were precious!

Nazareth is an Arab town and so you can imagine, we stood out as we walked throughout the town and rode the buses. Everyone we met was very gracious and welcoming! When children from the camp would see us around town, they would run to get their parents or friends and bring them over to meet us. Of course, if we were without an interpreter, we couldn’t talk to them but it didn’t matter….our smiles and hugs paved the path of friendship!

Another part of our joy was meeting and spending time with members of the church who meet in Nazareth Baptist School. We were blessed by their spirit of joy in Jesus! In church, we sang familiar songs in English alongside them as they sang in their beautiful Arab language. We had interpretation for most of the service but when we didn’t, it didn’t matter. What I love most about worshipping overseas is the feeling in my Spirit when I know that the person praying is praying to my God…even when I don’t know a word they are saying!

Our International Mission Board began Nazareth Baptist School in the 1930s. I was proud to see the words “Southern Baptist” written over the doorframe! When the board restructured, they turned over the control of the school to the local Baptists and they are doing a great job continuing the mission of excellent education combined with the witness of Bible classes and chapel each week. The reputation of the school draws children from Muslim backgrounds as well as Christian backgrounds. The parents have to agree that their child will attend chapel and Bible classes in order to go to the school. What a light this school is in a dark place! Some of our new friends in the church also work with the school. Arabs have such a spirit of hospitality and are so gracious and unhurried as they enjoy spending time together. Strong believers are definitely the minority in this place…and we felt so privileged to be there to get to know them, encourage them and help them. They are truly lights in a dark world…and as Christians in America, it has been even more obvious to us that we need to be so supportive in helping those who are there as they seek to open the door to Christ to so many lost people.

I have always said that I love God’s sense of humor!! Imagine my surprise when during a “coffee break” one morning at camp, I looked up to see a young American guy walking into the school with a Gamecock shirt on! I looked at him and said, “Gamecocks!!!???” He was from Charleston and was working with a group from YWAM (Youth with a Mission). They were traveling around the world and joining in to help at different ministry spots. They were there with us that day to help with sports activities! We had a fun few minutes enjoying our love for the Gamecocks…all the way across the world in Israel! 

If you follow this blog, you know how the Lord has been so sweet to send me “Petes” all over the world! Well, he did it again! There was a precious boy named Peter at the camp…a big 3^rd grader who was “all boy” but who had such a gentle heart! I fell in love with him….and so loved that the Lord gave me another Pete to pray for …this time in Israel! I was missing Pete a lot while I was there. Israel has always been our favorite place on earth…because it was our Lord’s home. I miss Pete every day…but even more so while I was in Israel! He would have LOVED being in Nazareth! The school has some construction projects going on and he would have just jumped right in to help them!

Ramadan began while we were there. We could hear firecrackers every night when they broke their fast for the day. Hearing their firecrackers and calls to prayer kept us on our knees for their hearts and minds. We would look out over that city of hills each night and see the flickering lights they would put in their windows as they celebrated Ramadan. Little did they know that those flickering lights were signs to us to pray specifically for that home…that they would come to know the real Light!

“You are the world’s light – a city on a hill, glowing in the night for all to see.

 Don’t hide your light! Let it shine for all;

let your good deeds glow for all to see,

so that they will praise your heavenly Father.”

 Matthew 5:14-16

Lord, may we be true lights for you…no matter where you have us on this earth!

 May we be that guide to You!

Use us to bring glory and honor and praise to You and You alone!

Trees and rainbows!!

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence. He is like a tree planted along a riverbank, with its roots reaching deep into the water…a tree not bothered by the heat nor worried by long months of drought. Its leaves stay green and it goes right on producing all its luscious fruit.” Jeremiah 17: 7-8

 I want to be a tree!

Many years ago, Pete and I decided when each grandchild reached the age of 15, we would take that grandchild on a special trip with us. It has been one of the highlights of our time with our grandchildren! Our fourth grandchild, Noah, turned 15 this year so he and I headed out west last month to do some traveling and exploring together. We missed his Papa greatly but delighted in sharing some of the fantastic sights in Arizona and New Mexico and in spending time together! As we drove through miles and miles of dry, flat and brown sandy land, we both agreed that we missed seeing the green trees and grass of good ole South Carolina!

I have been thinking about that since we returned…even as I mourned the anniversary of Pete’s death and the going home of my Mom. They sought to be trees with strong roots…and the fruit they produced was good.

I was having a conversation with the Lord about this and told Him I really wanted to be a healthy tree! I didn’t just want Him to help me water my roots, I wanted Him to saturate them with His water! I desire to be so full of Him that He just overflows out of “my tree”! I know that comes from seeking Him through His Word, through conversation with Him, through listening to Him, through taking those daily steps of faith, through challenges from Him, through wise counsel and instruction from others who seek Him...I need to seek strength daily.

  
 We have had a lot of rain here these last few days. I was walking with my Dad a couple of days after my Mom went home to Heaven. He is exactly where I was this time last year…barely putting one foot in front of the other, wondering how in the world he is going to take the next step without Mom, grieving down to the depths of his soul. As we walked, we looked up and saw an absolutely beautiful rainbow stretched from end to end in the sky above us! We stood there in awe and I said, “Daddy, that is a hug from God to you! Think about what a rainbow means…it is a sign of God’s promises, a sign of new beginnings!” I know God meant for Daddy to see His rainbow…it didn’t last long…if we had come out earlier or later, we would have missed it. I love it when He shows us His Father love…

“I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you.” Genesis 9:13

Not long after Pete died, a dear friend said to me, “Don’t just look for rainbows, seek to be the rainbow!”

I want my roots to grow deep and His light to shine like a rainbow through me to others! I have lots to do….Pete, my mom and my grandmom would all be busy doing His work if they were still here…I have lots of fruit to bear and colors to shine in their place!! Lord, use me!

Thank you, Lord, for trees, roots and rainbows! May You receive all the glory!

Broken Shells

Soon after Pete died, one of my precious sisters-in-law gave me a book, My Beautiful Broken Shell, by Carol Hamblet Adams. I have often thought about the words in this book this year….and today in particular, they come back to mind. I want to share some of those words today…

“I walk by a broken shell and leave it to search for more perfect ones…But then I stop, go back, and pick up the broken shell. I realize that this shell is me with my broken heart….this shell has had to fight so hard to keep from being totally crushed by the pounding surf…just as I have had to. Yet this shell is still out on the beautiful sandy shore,
just as I am.”

One year ago today, God called my Pete home. It has been a hard year, a long year. A year filled with sweet rememberings. Lots of hugs from family and friends. Many, many tears yet many smiles, too. A year of trying to figure out life without Pete, a life that seeks to go on and serve the Lord without the man I loved beside me, a life that is lonely in many ways yet filled as I still trust God as my loving Father. One year ago, our family was surrounding Pete with our love and prayers as he slipped into God’s presence.

“Broken shells mean lots of tears, lots of pain…lots of struggle…but they are also valuable for teaching faith, courage, and strength. Broken shells inspire others and demonstrate the will to go on in a way that no perfect shell could ever do. Broken shells are shells that have been tested…and tried…and hurt…

                                           yet they don’t quit. They continue to be…”

Today, as I am so full of a heart already raw with my emotions from my memories of this time last year, I am sitting at the bedside of my precious Mom whom the Lord may call home on this very same day! She has reached the end of her life here on earth…she will slip up to Heaven anytime now. I told her the other day that I knew Jesus would be the first One to hug her and welcome her home…and then right behind Jesus would be a huge group of people who would be so excited to see her…a group that would include her mother and father and lots of relatives and friends who have gone before us….and that I knew Pete would be right there in the midst of them all with his big smile, ready to wrap his arms around her and give her a hug! When we realized a few days ago that this time was probably going to happen sometime this week, I couldn’t help but cry out to God, “Why now? Why this week, Father? Why when this particular week is already so full of raw memories and emotions?” Almost immediately, I felt Him say, “Are you going to trust Me? You do not have to know why…you just have to know that I know and that is enough.” There it is again…the lesson of yielding to His Sovereignty that I have had to learn over and over again this year! But oh, how I realize what I have lost (am losing) in one year…two of the people who loved me unconditionally as well as two of my biggest prayer warriors! As I thanked Mom again the other day for praying for me so faithfully through all these years, I told her I didn’t expect that to stop…in fact, she would now have an even more direct link to Jesus so I was expecting her to be even more fervent in her prayers for me!

“I watch the rolling surf toss new shells onto the shore, and I am reminded of the many times that I, too, have been tossed by the storms of life and worn down by the sands of time, just like my beautiful broken shell. But I am reminded that broken shells don’t stand alone. Thank you, Lord, for being with me to share my life…Thank you for the precious gift of faith that keeps me strong when I am weak…that keeps me going when it would be easier to quit. Thank you, Lord, for hope in times of despair…for light in times of darkness…for patience in times of suffering…for assuring me that with You all things are possible.”

I have been thinking about those two sand dollars with the holes in the middle of them that God helped me find last year right after Pete died. I have them framed in my kitchen and look at them often. I am still the sand dollar with the big hole in the middle of it…but I can look at the one with the smaller hole and believe that I will eventually get there. As I talk to my grieving Dad this week and hear him say that he cannot imagine life without his partner of almost 60 years, I find myself sharing with him many words that I heard from the Lord and others this time last year…I smile inside as I hear me say those words to him and think of how I was encouraged by so many during this past year as my sorrow was so pressing, so real, so deep. This year has not been easy…but I have felt the love of many as I sought to take the next steps in life for Him. My Dad will be fine…but he will also have to walk through that valley of the shadow of death, as he learns to live without my Mom. I know family and caring friends will be right beside him each step of the way helping to hold his arms up during this hard journey as they have been for me.

 “A wave crashes, sending tiny sand crabs scurrying for safety…and I am reminded that even the smallest creatures depend on each other. Especially in our brokenness, we need the Lord…and we need one another. Thank you, Lord, for filling my life with people who care. Thank you for my family…for my friends…for those who are always there for me….As I look once more at the broken shell in my hand, I am reminded of all the beautiful shells God has placed around me. Lord, may I truly value every moment spent with my loved ones while this life is so briefly mine…May I cherish and appreciate my shell collection each and every day…for I know not when the tide will come and wash my treasures away.”

I recently heard Tony Evans say, “A valley is a mountain waiting to happen!” I love that…I am looking forward to climbing back up on a mountain again. In the meantime, as I continue to walk through this valley of missing Pete and now missing my Mom alongside my Dad, I will just keep holding on tight to the hand of the One who has not let go of me. He is the only One who can really help us get from that valley back up to that mountain top.

“May I always take the time to watch a kite dance in the sky…to sing…to pick daisies…to love…to take risks…to believe in my dreams…Let me not destroy the beauty of today by grieving over yesterday…or worrying about tomorrow.”

                                   "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted..." Psalms 34:18a

Mom, God is going to say, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

                    You have done well and been such a light for Him here on earth!

Give Pete a big hug for me when you get there!

                                           Tell him how much I love and miss him!  

Dad and I will see you both one day when God calls us home, too!

 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Mother’s Day has always been a special day to me! I can remember when we used to wear flowers on Mother’s Day – white if your mother had passed away, red if she was still alive. My Dad always gave us a beautiful flower to wear to church. He is a Baptist preacher and back in the day, I would always enjoy when he would ask for different mothers to stand so they could be honored...sometimes it was the oldest mother, sometimes the youngest mother, sometimes the mother who had traveled the longest distance to be there that day, etc. These ladies would be presented a corsage and were honored with lots of clapping. As a child, it was fun to see who these special ladies would be each year!

 I was blessed to be brought up in the church and had many wonderful women role models in my life! But my best role model and mentor was and still is my mom! Full of grace and love, a lot of fun, a constant companion and encouraging support to my Dad, one who gently (and sometimes not so gently! Ha!) challenged me to always do my best…but most of all, one who modeled a love for Christ, His word, His people, for sharing His love with others and one of my biggest prayer warriors! My mom is fighting a terrible debilitating, degenerative disease right now. It breaks my heart to see this beautiful woman going through this hard season…but she is trying to handle it as best as she can. My Dad is modeling an unbelievable amount of love and grace as he constantly cares for her every need.

I became a mom to Brantley 32 ½ years ago and she has been a blessing from the Lord from day one! We have always enjoyed sharing life together…through tough times and great times! What a joy to be her Mom! Then when I married Pete 20 years ago, I was blessed to add Peter and Allison to my fold as well as another gift to me in his mom who quickly became another incredible role model for me. Pete and I both agreed that God blessed us not just with each other but with the gift of being able to love each other’s children. I have always said that though Peter and Allison, their spouses and children are not mine by blood, they are without a doubt, my children/grandchildren by heart and will always be so! With three wonderful children and spouses and five special grandchildren, I am blessed indeed!

I recently listened to a podcast of my pastor, Dick Lincoln, preaching a sermon about mothers several years ago. It was based on II Timothy 1:5 when Paul told Timothy, “I know how much you trust the Lord, just as your mother Eunice and your grandmother Lois do” and later Paul says in II Timothy 3:15, “You know how when you were a small child, you were taught the holy scriptures and it is these that make you wise to accept God’s salvation by trusting in Christ Jesus.”  Dick’s reminder was that it was Timothy’s mom and grandmother’s investment in his life that helped him become the man of God he was…and it wasn’t because things were perfect. Scripture tells us Eunice was Jewish and her husband was Greek…obviously that probably caused tension in that home! Yet she must have modeled an unwavering love for God and Jesus to Timothy and helped ground him in the Word.

 To me, that is one of the best gifts we can give our children…to be that kind of anchor for them in the Lord, for our children and grandchildren to see that no matter what, our love for Jesus comes first, our desire to serve Him is real and obvious, that His Word guides our lives and that our strength and joy come from Him! That is what I grew up seeing in my home, that is what I pray our children and  grandchildren have seen from Pete and me and will continue to see from me. The other gift Pete and I both believed in strongly is verbally telling our children and grandchildren that we love them! We both believed they needed our hugs and to hear our love for them. I have always been blessed to hear those words from my Mom and Dad and to have had that unconditional love…I want to pass that on to our children and grandchildren!

I have had the blessing of being involved in other young moms’ lives over the years…I was simply living out the Titus 2 example set by my mom as I watched her invest in women younger than she was over and over again through the years. Some of the young women in my life did not come from Christian homes and I have always told them, “Then you begin this gift of raising your children in this kind of home…you model Jesus being Lord in your life and pass that gift down to your children.” It is never too late to begin to create that legacy! What a gift to give them! Generations do affect the next generation! It is a ripple effect inside and outside our families! I want to be part of that ripple!

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

Thank you for loving me, investing in me and most of all,

teaching me to love Jesus with all that I am! I will always

cherish our memories and thank the Lord for giving you to me!

 I love you!

"Her children will rise up and call her blessed." Proverbs 31:28

 

Clay in the Potter's hand...

A dear friend wrote me yesterday that she was praying that I would be “clay in the Potter’s hand and that He will shape me into the perfect vessel to show His amazing and perfect love for those I touch this week”….Oh, Lord, may it be so…sometimes I feel like a lump of clay instead of a vessel that can hold water and do what it was created to do! Yet I know He can do miracles with a lump of clay!

I took a group of young moms to a potter’s studio one time several years ago. We had been talking about wanting to be molded into vessels He could use, wanting to be moldable clay in the Potter’s hand…and we decided we wanted to see how hard it was to actually “make” something out of clay ourselves. What a revealing experience that was! Some of our balls of clay flew off the wheel and across the room, some kept falling apart, some kept needing more moisture than others, some seemed to mold easily…all of it was hard work! We did end up with some pretty unique creations…some prettier than others but all useful in one way or another. It was a great reflective lesson on how God does create us all…we are all different but all useful when we allow Him to be the Potter in our lives! Working with clay is hard…it is “hands on” work and your hands get messy! How thankful I am that God is willing to put His hands on my life, to get messy and experience life with me and work with me until He gets me in the shape I need to be in to do His will. It was also sobering to consider how difficult we must be in God’s hands sometimes as we fight being molded…and how thankful I am that He doesn’t just leave me on the floor where I deserve to be when I fly off of His wheel! I am so glad He is willing to pick me back up and start molding me again.

Thinking about this today made me go right back to submission in my life. I read this sentence in a devotional recently… “I have wrestled with God’s plan for my life even as I have sought to submit to it.” I thought to myself, “Well, Brenda, there you go!” That spoke to where I am. I am seeking to submit to this new path in life but sometimes, I still wrestle with God over why He changed MY plans for Pete and me to continue to be together in this life on earth. Yet, over and over again, I keep going back to the fact that if He is sovereign, then He is sovereign. And I need to continue to submit to the Potter’s wheel if I desire to still be used here on earth for His glory…with or without Pete! And I do! Another devotional thought said, “If we truly remain like soft clay in the Master Potter’s hands, we will not be crushed or broken when things don’t go our way. We’ll allow God in His sovereignty and wisdom to mold us, reshape us, and redirect us according to His plan, as He sees fit.”

“Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!

Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.

Mold me and make me after Thy will,

While I am waiting, yielded and still.”

“We are the clay and you are our Potter; we are all the work of Your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

Here is this broken vessel, Lord, please continue to mold me…mold me to be used by You, mold me to make a difference in other’s lives, mold me to be bold in sharing You wherever You send me on this earth. Have Thine own way… 

"Come and see!"

These words have been rolling around in my heart all day! I have been thinking about when we hear the words “Come and see” in the Bible.  When  Andrew wanted to know more about Jesus, He said, “Come and see!” (John 1: 39) When Nathaniel wondered if “anything good could come out of Nazareth”…Philip said, “Come and see” Jesus for yourself! (John 1:46) When Jesus went to Bethany after Lazarus died, the people said, “Come and see” and He miraculously raised him from the dead (John 11:35). Through Isaiah, God says, “Come and see My glory!” (Isaiah 66:18) Psalms 66:5 says, “Come and see the glorious things God has done.” In Revelations, we told to “come and see” as the seals are opened and the future is foretold.

But today, I am thinking about Mary hearing these words at Jesus’ tomb when the angel said, “Come and see” that the tomb was empty and Jesus had risen! Hallelujah! He is alive! I woke up this morning thinking about the fact that Pete was celebrating his first Easter in Heaven today…then I realized it was Easter in Heaven every day!!! And in reality, it is here, too, because Jesus is alive in our hearts right here every day when we allow Him to be!

My heart is extra tender to the grief that Mary and all of Jesus’ followers must have felt when Jesus was crucified more than ever before.  Having lost the person I loved most in all the world this year, I understand the depth of grief in a new way. Our (and their) relationship with Jesus is/was as a Savior, yet I realize that His followers who lived with Him had also developed a deep personal human friendship, too. I am sure they struggled with combining the preciousness of their human friendship with Jesus with trying to understand what it meant that Jesus was God’s Son and their Savior. I keep thinking about the depth of their grief…the man they loved and had followed, sought to protect, stood up for, learned from, were amazed by, worshipped…He had been beaten, He had been spit upon, He had been humiliated, He had been forced to carry a heavy cross and then He had been brutally crucified. I can only imagine their confusion and their sadness….and their wonderings of what to do now.

I am sure the women dragged heavy hearts to the tomb that Sunday morning…wanting to go and care for His body but dreading the sight of seeing Him in such a beaten way. Yet, I so admire their strength in being deliberate about wanting to honor Him…even though their hearts were broken! I can only imagine their joy when they heard the words, “Come and see!”

I have felt Jesus say, “Come and see” often to me this year. Come and see…how I will assure you that Pete is with Me now in Heaven. Come and see…how precious and sweet your relationship will be with Me while you go through this valley of the shadow of death. Come and see…how I will be right there for you every step of every day if you will only look for Me. Come and see…how tightly I will hold your hand if you will just reach out for Me. Come and see…how I have a plan for your life and I want you to seek ways to bring Me glory even though life is different from what you thought it would be. Come and see…that I am here.

I want to be like those women of long ago. I want to be deliberate about honoring Him in spite of the fact that my heart is broken. I want to be deliberate about seeking ways to glorify Him.

Tomorrow is our anniversary! Pete and I would have been married 20 years tomorrow…Yes, April Fool’s Day! Pete always got the biggest kick out of the fact that he talked me into marrying him on April Fool’s Day! It was always easy to remember though! We felt like we had always been together…those years went by so quickly! On our anniversary last year, we were saying how we wanted to plan to do something special for this anniversary! I know he will be doing something special up in Heaven and I have plans to stay busy with friends and family to help me through the day. I have a feeling that Jesus will say to me tomorrow , “Come and see how I will be enough for you…how I will send you love through memories, through my Word, and through others. Come and see…that I am right here.”

Come and see…

that Jesus is alive and real

and a mighty presence in our lives when we invite Him in!

Hallelujah!

"I am hanging on to you!"

Our youngest grandson, Luke,  loves to hold hands. He is always reaching out for his Mama or Daddy's hand when they are around. He was with me for a few days this week. As a curious 2 ½ year old, he is always eager to explore the world around him!  He was walking on the benches on our deck and needed to step from one bench to another. He realized that the step was too far for him to make by himself without falling so he reached out for me to hold his hand and said, “I am hanging on to you, B!” I smiled to myself and thought, “Lord, that is exactly what I am doing with You…reaching out and hanging on to Your hand as I step over these new spaces in life that are too much for me to handle by myself! I need to hold Your hand to keep me from falling!”

This past month, I have really had to hold tight to the Lord’s hand! I have been overseas in several different countries doing educational work and mission work. I have met some incredible people who have a heart of compassion for those of their own country and other incredible people who are expats and are giving their lives and hearts to those in their “adopted” countries.

God used this month to teach me much about Him and about trusting Him in the midst of my woundedness.  I will share bits and pieces of my trip as time goes on but today I wanted to share some precious memories of how God “held my hand” and showed me He was right there with me.

Even though I met up with people in each place I went, I was going to be traveling alone on this adventure. Thankfully, Pete and I have traveled a lot through the years so I was not afraid to handle the logistics of flying and getting through airports, etc. But before I left, I had a specific conversation with the Lord reminding Him that Pete had always been my “navigator” when we traveled! Pete used to tease me about being “directionally challenged”! Ha! I knew I was going to need the Lord’s help as I traveled alone!  I asked Him to be my navigator in all the different airports and in all the direction decisions I would have to make when I was alone.

I first flew to Paris and had one whole day by myself before I was to meet with some friends below Paris.  Pete and I had been blessed to visit Paris several times and I really didn’t think I could emotionally handle going where we had been before so I decided to visit a new place -the palace of Versaille.  I had to figure out the tickets I needed and route to take on the bus and trains! It was a constant challenge to find people who could speak enough English to help me when I had a question. When I got off the first train, I followed the signs to where I thought I was supposed to catch the second train…but as it was a busy, busy train station, I decided to ask someone to make sure I was right. I noticed a family with two teenage boys and asked if they could speak English…thankfully, the boys and father could! They were from Belgium and said they were going to Versailles, too! So we stood there and talked and when the train came, we got on together and continued to talk during the train ride. Sometime during the ride, I shared with them that my husband had died of cancer this past summer and as I teared up, I said, “But we are Christians and so I know he is in Heaven with Jesus and I will see him again.”  As we went to buy our tickets to get into the palace, they graciously invited me to walk around with them. I said, "We should share our names…mine is Brenda." As they introduced themselves, guess what the Dad said his name was…… PETER!!! I couldn't believe it! I had not mentioned Pete's name in our previous conversation. I just laughed and said, "That is just like God to send me another Pete to take care of me today and make sure I don't get lost!" Isn't that incredible!! It was a "hug" straight from God and Pete…made me feel like God was telling me, "I know right where you are!" He sent two other “Petes” during my trip! Each time, I just had to smile and acknowledge that He is such a loving Father to give me such personal reminders of His presence!

Another special “hug” from God came during a worship service in Bangkok.  Guess what scripture the preacher preached from...Habakkuk 3:17 – 19!! My “nevertheless” verses!! I couldn’t believe it! Out of all the scripture in the whole Bible, for the verses I have clung to this year to be preached when I was half way around the world from home seeking to be obedient to His call on my life was just amazing to me! His Fatherly love for us is so tender! I wrote every day in a journal about “how I saw God today”. I am going to continue to do that…He does show us His love each and every day whether we are right here at home or halfway around the world! Look for His touches on your life every day!

In a Jesus Calling devotional earlier this year, I read, “Give yourself fully to the adventure of today….and remember I am holding you by your right hand…Hold My hand in childlike trust and the way before you will open up step by step.” I do think God has an adventure for us each day. I have shared before how much Pete and I loved to hold hands. I am missing Pete’s hand here on earth…and I am clinging to the One Who can still hold my hand and help me take the next step each day. He is so faithful and so “there” in our lives when we allow Him to be! Though I miss Pete more than I can ever explain to anyone each and every day, I know without a doubt that God is holding out His mighty right hand to me and all I have to do each day is reach out and “hang on to Him”…and He will help me step over those tough places and help me keep walking!

“For I am the LORD, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

                                             ‘Do not fear; I will help you’.” Isaiah 41:13

I am hanging on to you, Lord!

*Update on Andy and the marathon: He was not able to participate in the marthon last Saturday. A few days before the race, he fell and injured his back but hopes to try again sometime in the future. He is doing better and will just need to take it easy for a while. Thank you for your prayers for his recovery.

Running the Race....and an Important Marathon!

“Let us run with endurance the race

God has set before us.” Hebrews 12:1

I am NOT a runner! I wish I was! However, I do enjoy walking…and hiking! I love, love, love being outside surrounded by God’s creation! I have walked many a mile through the years, enjoying the sun and talking to God about anything and everything!

Even though I am not a runner, I have been thinking a lot lately about running the race God has set before me. My ‘race’ has been pretty tough this past year…and I keep wondering…What does my future race look like? Where do You want me to run? Exactly how much endurance are You talking about, Lord? It has been a really hard race this year…how much harder is it going to be? How far have I got to go? How do I go about training more for this race? Ever ask these kind of questions when He starts talking to you about your ‘race’?

I have been thinking about some of the times we read about people running in the Bible. I can just see the shepherds running to Bethlehem to see Baby Jesus, the lepers running to the priest after Jesus healed them and the one running back to say ‘thank you’, Peter running to the tomb to see if Jesus had truly risen from the dead…These are just some of the examples that have come to my mind.

In all these scriptures, I can just imagine their excitement as they ran! I asked the Lord to teach me something from each of these situations in scripture.  I want to train for my race by learning from others in the Word.

Here is what I am thinking…The shepherds were eager to see Jesus and then to go and share about His glory with others! I know God is telling me that I should be so excited about His glory and greatness that I should “run” to share Him with others in my path.  Oh, Lord…may I do that for You! May my light be bright for You! May others see the reflection of Your glory and greatness in how I respond to life and your call on my life. This thinking process reminded me of one of my “life verses”. “You are a letter from Christ…this letter is written not with pen and ink but with the Spirit of the Living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts. II Cor 3:3 We are all letters reflecting something…We each have to decide what kind of letter we are going to be to the world!

The lepers were so excited to be healed…yet only one came back and thanked Jesus for healing him. Is He  reminding me to be so grateful for what He has done and is doing in my life…to focus on the good I can see, the preciousness of what I have had with Pete and not dwell on my sadness in missing him? I know the Lord still has a race for me to run even though I am not liking having to run it without my “running partner”! God keeps reminding me that just because I am having to run it now without Pete that doesn’t excuse me from the race! He still wants me to run and to run as hard as I can toward His calling on my life. Yet He gives us a choice in life…we can opt out of the race…but I don’t want to sit on the sideline! I want to be right where He wants me, I want to be used in this race…even when the race is hard!

Peter was overjoyed at the thought that his Savior had risen from the dead and ran to the tomb to find it empty! That was the next step in his journey to become a strong leader and conduit for sharing what Jesus can do. I think God is reminding me to remember the tomb is empty! My Savior lives, Pete is living with Him, and my job while still on this earth is to be a conduit, too, for sharing Jesus!

''I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back''. Philippians 3:14

I once read these words in a Tozer devotional: “The more we run toward Christ and the closer we draw to Him, the more we light up this world and become salt in it.” Oh, may we all be salt and light in this dark world!

Major Marathon news!!

Pete’s brother, Andy, is going to run a marathon in Columbia on March 9^th in memory of Pete. He is hoping that many of you will consider making a donation to Pete’s Mission Fund at Shandon Baptist Church (see information on the side above) as a way of supporting his efforts in running this race. This is a huge step of commitment and faith for Andy. Please encourage him with your thoughts, prayers and a gift to the fund if you can as he makes this wonderful effort to honor his brother! We have all been so touched with the many gifts to Pete’s Mission Fund and hope that this is one more way we can continue to provide opportunities for people to contribute believing, as Andy says, "that God will use these funds to advance His kingdom around the world".

Seeking to ‘run the race’….in many ways!