Weeping in the night...Joy in the morning!

“Weeping may last through the night but joy comes with the morning!” Psalm 30:5b

This has been a hard season…being “hit” with many “firsts” without Pete over and over again so close together has made me feel like a boxer who gets hit, then gets back up and gets hit again! Thankfully, I trust a big God…Who has my heart… and my back! I have fallen to the mat several times during these past two months, but He has always been right there to pick me back up again! I feel like He would wrap His big arms around me, give me a hug...and send me right back out there on the mat again! Often, I felt like turning around and running “out of the ring”! But He was always there, cheering me on. I couldn’t help but believe Pete was right there beside Him, cheering as loud as God was for me to get back out there and keep “fighting” through it all!

 The latest hurtles have been Christmas and now New Year's Eve! It helped a lot to have family and friends around so much during Christmas. We all enjoyed sharing our memories of Pete over past Christmases! Here is my favorite picture from last year with all of our grandchildren! This is a picture we will all cherish now for sure!

 I deliberately chose to go down to the beach for New Year’s Eve …I figured the Lord and I needed to handle ending this hard year and beginning the new one together. Pete and I have always loved New Year’s Eve! We always stayed up til “the ball dropped”, gave each other a kiss and prayed together as the new year began. Through the years, we have spent some New Year’s Eves with family and friends, but often it would just be us…which suited us just fine….it was always special to share it together. When 2000 began, we were in the city of Jerusalem with some friends! That was a special New Year’s Eve! Last year, we were at Disney World on New Year's Eve! We would laughingly say, “We were with thousands of our ‘best friends’!!!” We had gone down for the Carolina Bowl game and spent several days with Mickey and Minnie! Even though it was crowded, we had so much fun sharing those days together and seeing the fireworks over the castle!

I went to the beach confident that I was supposed to spend this New Year’s Eve just with Jesus! But as darkness fell last night, I began to wonder if my “thought process” was a good one. I was swamped with memories and it brought a lot of tears…more than I have cried in quite a while! Caught me by surprise…I was not expecting the flood of emotions for some reason!! I thought about what our good friend, who is the pastor at Edisto Baptist Church, had just preached about on Sunday. His sermon was based on John 10 where Jesus teaches about how He is the Gate for the sheep. In verse 10, Jesus says, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” Last night, I felt like Satan was working hard to steal, kill and destroy my heart and I literally had a time of just saying, “Help me, Lord!” He calmed my heart but it was a hard, hard time. Thankfully, I had prayer warriors praying for me because they knew it was going to be a tough time. I made it til the new year began, prayed and went to bed believing that the “sun will come up” and trusting that “His mercies will be new” in the morning.

I set the alarm early to see that sun come up. As I was walking down to the beach, I looked up and saw pockets of clouds spread around the sky above me and the clouds were a beautiful rose color! The sun, which was not visible yet, was sending its rays to the clouds and showing His glory and majesty in an incredible way! I was so awed, I stopped still in the middle of the street and looked in every direction around me…those beautiful rose colored clouds were everywhere!

 I felt the warmest feeling come over me…as if God was saying, “My Dear One, feel My glory. I am right here…all around you. Do not worry, do not fret. I am here and I will never leave you.”  I walked on to the beach and worshipped Him as I watched Him continue to show His majesty while the sun rose in a glorious way!

“The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows and proclaims His handiwork.” Psalm 19:1

When I came inside, I turned on my Pandora music mix and the song that started playing was “Blessings” by Laura Story. She wrote this after she had been praying several years for healing for her husband’s brain tumor. Here are some of the words that spoke to me:

“We pray for blessings, we pray for peace, comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity, We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering…

What if Your blessings come through raindrops, what if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy. And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights are all Your mercies in disguise…”

As I mulled over those words about blessings in hard things, an instrumental song began to play…I smiled as I thought about the words to this old hymn…

“When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word, what a glory He sheds on our way. While we do His good will, He abides with us still, and with all who will trust and obey. Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies, but His smile quickly drives it away. Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear can abide while we trust and obey. Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share but our toil He doth richly repay, not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross but is blessed if we trust and obey. But we never can prove the delight of His love until all on the alter we lay. For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows are for them who will trust and obey. Then in fellowship sweet, we will sit at His feet or we’ll walk by His side in the way. What He says we will do, where He sends we will go, never fear only trust and obey.

Trust and obey for there’s no other way…to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.”

As I was telling the Lord, “I got it…I understand you are telling me to trust you and obey You”, another instrumental song began to play…

“I must tell Jesus all of my trials, I cannot bear these burdens alone. In my distress He kindly will help me, He ever loves and cares for His own. I must tell Jesus, I must tell Jesus, I cannot bear these burdens alone. I must tell Jesus, I must tell Jesus, Jesus can help me, Jesus alone!”

Jesus alone...He meets us where we are…and speaks to each of us in the “language” that we can understand best. For me, that has always been in nature and through music. God spoke to me this morning through the glory and majesty of His sunrise and through music. I got His message! I am going to keep working hard to focus on His glory, keep seeking to trust and obey and continue to realize that my strength comes from my relationship with Jesus alone! Sometimes we need to fight through the “hard times” like I had last night and lean just on Jesus…He often teaches best in the midst of the battle when we are willing to listen…and during those times, we often need to just be alone with Him.

Thank you, Lord, for beginning this year with me in such a special way. 2012 was a hard, hard year. Part of me is so sad to know I am beginning a new year that Pete will not share with me here on this earth.  I don’t know what is ahead in 2013 but I know Who knows…and my hand is going to be holding on tight to You!

Joy comes in the morning…