Pete and I have always loved being outdoors in God's creation! We have spent many hours at the beach, on the marsh, in the mountains, on hikes to waterfalls and viewpoints, camping in state and national parks, overseas enjoying God's creation in other countries, etc. That time in God's world always was such a blessing to us! I knew I needed to hibernate somewhere this past week and just give myself some time to be with the Lord. I needed Him to begin the healing process in my heart...and the best way I knew to do that was to go be in His creation somewhere. So I spent some time at the beach...and sure enough, God was so sweet to meet me there in my sorrow and grief with His touch. I wanted to share one way He spoke to me.
I was walking along at the water's edge and suddenly saw a sand dollar. Now let me explain to you that I have maybe found 2 whole sand dollars in my entire life! I leaned down to pick it up and gasped! I said, "Lord, that is me! I have this jagged hole right in the middle of my heart just like this sand dollar!" I felt Him say, "On, my dear child, I know you do...I am so sorry...but I want you to notice something. This sand dollar is whole. Yes, it has a big hole in the middle of it, but look...it is a whole sand dollar!" As tears fell down my face, I knew what He was trying to tell me. I am still whole and I am going to be ok and will go on to be used by Him...my heart just has a big hole in it right now!
A little while later that day, I went walking along the water's edge again. Amazingly, I saw another sand dollar! I leaned down to pick it up and gasped again! It, too, had a hole in the middle of it, but it was a lot smaller! I had to smile at Him...I knew He was telling me that He would be healing this huge hole in my heart and after time, it would get smaller! I wondered to myself if I was going to find another sand dollar and if it would be completely whole!! But then, I felt like He said to me, "No, you will always have a small hole in your heart because you loved Pete so deeply. That is as it should be...but you will be ok. Look carefully, my child, and notice that this sand dollar is also whole."
"'Though the mountains move and the hills shake, My love will not be removed from you and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,' says your compassionate Lord." Isaiah 54:10
Our God is in the teaching and healing business! I am trying hard to listen and learn through my tears! He is sovereign and He is faithful!
I was walking along at the water's edge and suddenly saw a sand dollar. Now let me explain to you that I have maybe found 2 whole sand dollars in my entire life! I leaned down to pick it up and gasped! I said, "Lord, that is me! I have this jagged hole right in the middle of my heart just like this sand dollar!" I felt Him say, "On, my dear child, I know you do...I am so sorry...but I want you to notice something. This sand dollar is whole. Yes, it has a big hole in the middle of it, but look...it is a whole sand dollar!" As tears fell down my face, I knew what He was trying to tell me. I am still whole and I am going to be ok and will go on to be used by Him...my heart just has a big hole in it right now!
A little while later that day, I went walking along the water's edge again. Amazingly, I saw another sand dollar! I leaned down to pick it up and gasped again! It, too, had a hole in the middle of it, but it was a lot smaller! I had to smile at Him...I knew He was telling me that He would be healing this huge hole in my heart and after time, it would get smaller! I wondered to myself if I was going to find another sand dollar and if it would be completely whole!! But then, I felt like He said to me, "No, you will always have a small hole in your heart because you loved Pete so deeply. That is as it should be...but you will be ok. Look carefully, my child, and notice that this sand dollar is also whole."
"'Though the mountains move and the hills shake, My love will not be removed from you and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,' says your compassionate Lord." Isaiah 54:10
Our God is in the teaching and healing business! I am trying hard to listen and learn through my tears! He is sovereign and He is faithful!
Brenda,
ReplyDeleteThis is so amazing that he showed you the 2 sand dollars! I, too, have always tried to find a whole one and have never been successful. What a great thing he is trying to teach you through your grieving process! He is truly carrying your burdens and walking with you on this journey. Love you and continuing to pray for you!
Oh Brenda! Even in the midst of your heartbreak, God is so THERE and so GOOD. How sweet of Him to meet you right where you are with a beautiful reminder of His love for you. Praying still and loving you. Laura
ReplyDeleteI love His heart! And I love how He is beginning to heal yours. It must be hard to not try to rush through this hard journey and to honor and experience where He has you Right Now, to just feel the hurt without trying to 'cheat' your way out of it... but I am in awe of how you are sitting at His knee, trying to learn and grow and "make the suffering worth it"... I want to be like you when I grow up!
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B
what a gift the Lord gave you....to love and be loved deeply. Praying for you and for the big hole that Pete left. God IS faithful!
ReplyDeleteI love how you have "eyes to see and ears to hear". He is speaking all the time, and you are listening! I love how He spoke to you in such a tangible way and gave you something to remember this conversation by. I'm sure you have these in a special place at home as reminders.
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